Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Jordan Dawn Little

     Since our baby is now 2 month old I realized I really needed to get her birth story in writing. It is such a wonderful story and I am excited to share it.

    I will rewind back to March when we went to Michigan for Spring Break.  I will admit I was a little nervous.  Although we had been talking to Amber for months it was still a little nerve racking to finally meet her face to face.  All the dumb thoughts of, "what if she doesn't like us anymore" run through your head.  But it was such a great trip.  I seriously don't think it could have gone any better.  It was great to get to know Amber better and to meet her sweet boy and her brother.
    We were lucky enough to get to go to a doctor appointment with her.  It was so cool to hear the babys heart beat in the little Doppler monitor thing.  She was not scheduled for an ultrasound but her dr. said since we traveled so far he would do one.  I was so excited.   The moment he put that thing on Amber's belly I was speechless.  Seeing our baby on that monitor was something I will never be able to explain.  It was amazing.  I seriously could of stayed in there all day and just watch her move and breath and be cute as can be!!  I was so grateful that Amber let us experience that with her.

    So of course the months between March and July seemed to drag on and on and on and on and on.......  I really thought sometimes that we were never going to make it to July.  Those were some of the most exciting, stressful, nerve racking, anticipating months!!!  But there were so fun because we were finally close enough to the birth that we could really start getting ready for the baby.  We got her room already, well mostly ready, Brandon painted her crib, I recovered the glider, it was just so much fun!!
    On June 16th, Tabitha with the help of others, threw me the biggest most beautiful baby shower ever!!!!  It was absolutely unbelievable the amount of time and love that went into this event.  It is defiantly a day I will never forget.  So many people came and showed their love and support for me and my family it was awesome.  I felt so loved on this day.  It was highly emotional for me and I felt a little weird having such a big shower when I didn't even have a pregnant belly but I would of given anything to have Amber there with us and she was on my mind all day that day.

    Okay, I will get to the main story now. Amber's due date was July 24th but her Dr. agreed to induce a week early just to make sure we were able to be there when the time came.  We were very grateful for this and excited that we would be parents 1 week sooner!  Brandon and I decided to fly into Michigan on Saturday, July 14th.  We got there super late and headed to the Shirts house.  (The Shirts are an awesome ward family to offered to house us while we were in Michigan to help save some money on hotel costs.  They were an amazing couple and we were so grateful for their willingness to allow strangers into their home to help us at such a time.   Their names are Cory and Elizabeth and we are grateful to call them friends now)  They were excited to have us but we were super tired and quickly went to bed once we got there.  The next day we decided to go to church with them before we went over to visit with Amber and Logan.  We just went to sacrament meeting and then headed to Riverview.  It was so great to see Amber and her cute belly and to visit with her and Logan.  We just kind of chatted and talked about how delivery day would be.  She gave us some gifts for the baby and I was so excited to get them.  She gave us some clothes and toys that her and Logan picked out and some things that were Logans. She also gave her a special box just for the baby to have one day.  It has such special things in it and I can not wait until Jordan is old enough to understand what everything is and how special it will be for her to have.  After visiting for a bit we decided to go get some dinner at Coney Island.  It was so great to see them again and we just couldn't wait for Tuesday!!!
    On Monday we just ran some errands and made sure we were all ready for the big events that would take place the next day.  I had such a hard time sleeping that night.  It was seriously like all 25 Christmas Eve's I have had in life mixed into one.  I think I look at the clock like every 15 minutes that night.  :)  I was so excited when the alarm finally went off at 6 am.  So we went to McDonald's to get some breakfast and then headed to Amber's house.  She was still waiting on her sister so we decided to head to the hospital and let them know that she was on her way.  At this point I was so excited and anxious and nervous!!  So many emotions I wasn't really sure what to do with them.  Once Amber got there they got her all checked in and started the induction and the waiting began.  I don't think any of us expected the wait to be so long.  ;)  We just spent the day hanging out watching the contraction and heart rate monitor.  Nothing was really happening.  Amber was having small contractions but nothing strong enough to get a baby here.  The little turkey baby would not stay still and I think the nurses spent more time trying to get the baby to stay on the heart monitor then anything else.  As each hour passed I was starting to get a little sad because I just wanted to meet her already!!!!  But Amber was such a trooper all day long.  Her spirits were always high and she was just so great!  About 14 hours later, with her only being dilated to a 3.5 they decided to call it a night.  But the hospital was great and they provided Brandon and I with our own room right next to Ambers.  So we all went to bed to get a good nights rest since the baby was NOT going  to come.  I was really hoping that we would get woken up in the middle night to tell us she was coming but we didn't.
    The next day we headed back over to Amber's room around 8 am.  She was still doing well and let us know that she pretty much did not have any contractions during the night and she was still only at a 3.5.  So once again they started the meds to try and bring on some contractions.  Well as time went on and still hardly any contractions,  let me rephrase that, Amber was having contractions and I am sure they hurt more then she let us know but I guess I should just say not very strong contractions, again we just waited.  Amber kept saying she felt bad because we just had to sit there but there was seriously nowhere else I would want to be!!!.  It was such a great experience even if we were not doing anything.   Once again the hours just kept passing and still no baby!!  But also once again, Amber was just doing so great and was in such a good mood and we were just so thankful that she allowed us to be there with her.
    Finally after about 33 hours of being in the hospital, Dr. Mohamed and Ambers nurse Dawn (pause again real quick.  Amber had the most amazing nurse ever.  He name was Dawn and if anyone has a baby in the Wyndotte hospital in Michigan be sure to try and get her as your nurse.  It was amazing!!!!)  Anyway , the nurse and the Dr. came in to talk to Amber about her options.  They let he know that she could either go home and try again another day or they could break her water.  Of course they had to explain to her the possibility of  a C-section with breaking her water. After thinking about she decided to go ahead and break her water so we could get this sweet baby here.  I think the idea of a c-section scared us all a little bit but we were all anxious to meet this sweet baby.  So the Dr. came in and broke her water.  I stood at Ambers head and seriously just cried through the whole thing.  It was so painful to Amber and it was so hard to watch her go through that.  I was very happy when they were done.  But while the dr was breaking her water, the baby was grabbing her fingers which told us that the little turkey had one hand above her head!!  The Dr. did her best to push it back down.  So once that was all done the dr. left and Dawn stayed in the room to monitor the contractions and the baby's heart rate.  We did notice that each time Amber would contract the baby's heart rate would drop but it wasn't dropping low enough to cause any problems thankfully.  I figured we would be waiting again for a while so I got my journal out and starting writing in it at 6:20 pm.  A couple minutes later the nurse says, "I know you are in the middle of a contraction but we have to flip you."  And she asked us to step out into the hallway.  We didn't think anything of it at first but then as we are standing in the hallway we hear Dawn say something and the only thing either of us heard was the word, "crash"  okay obviously the last word you want to hear anywhere is CRASH!!  I turned to Brandon and made sure I heard her correctly.  Well before he could even answer me Dawn is calling to all the Dr.'s and nurses that they are crashing in Room 1 (Amber's room)  Of course I freak out.  At this point we didn't know if it was Amber or the baby crashing and either way it was not good.  Instantly, there were Dr.'s and nurses running full speed down the hallway to the room.  I have never been so scared in my life.  I went back in the room at this point because Amber's sister had just gone downstairs and had no idea what was going on.  When I went in I couldn't believe how fast everyone was working.  They were quickly getting the bed and monitors unhooked and I heard them call for the OR to be prepped for a c- section.  Pretty much before I even had time to think much they were wheeling Amber full speed down the hallway to the OR.  Once they were gone I was able to find Amber's phone so I could call her sister.  I then went over to the monitor and saw that they last heart rate that had read for the baby was 52.  My heart just sank.  As you are preparing yourself for adoption, you always have to be prepared for the birth mother to change her mind but I never prepared myself so the possibility of the baby not making it.  Brandon and I couldn't figure out how to use Amber's phone so I just ran downstairs to get Tammie.  Of course the moment I saw her I lost it and couldn't even talk so I am sure I completely freaked her out.  But we quickly made our way back upstairs and rang the bell for them to let us in.  When you do that you have to tell them who you are and then they let you back.  Well because of what was going on they told us we would have to wait in the waiting room.  I was not happy and told them they did not understand.  We were not just visitors....  Again they told us to wait in the waiting room until someone came and got us.  Neither me or Tammie were very happy and we are both freaking out a bit.   Luckily just minutes later, Brandon and a nurse came out.  She said she couldn't really tell us much because it would break HEPA laws but she could tell us that the baby came out screaming.  All I could think to say was, "she is here already!!"  I was completely shocked and still completely scared because they wouldn't tell us anything about Amber. Again they told us we would have to wait in the waiting room until the had the baby in the recovery room.  I once again broke down in the waiting room.  I was so glad that our baby was finally here but I was still so shaken up over all the events that just happen and I was worried about Amber and all I could think about was the panicked look on her face as they were rushing her to the OR.
   Finally, they came and told us that we could come back to the recovery room.  Oh I was so excited and could not get through those doors quick enough.  Brandon, Tammie and I walked back there and laying in a little portable baby crib was the most perfect little swollen baby.  She was so beautiful and I was shocked to look at the little card on her crib and see how tiny she was.  She was 6.6 lbs and 19" long. Born at 18:35  Now Amber wanted to be the first to hold her so we just started and awwed over this precious baby.  I did unwrap her so I could look at every inch of her body.  Of course there were tears but finally they were just tears of joy. Pure joy.

    After what seemed like forever they wheeled Amber into the recovery room.  She was just barely coming out of the anesthesia but she was in so much pain. (Luckily she says she does not remember any of this)  They pulled the curtain to have some privacy while they check her all out since she just had a c-section.  As I stood on the opposite side of the curtain listening to the pain she was in I couldn't help but just cry.  It hurt me so bad to hear her in so much pain knowing that in the end she wasn't even the one who would take this sweet baby I was staring at home.  This is when the feelings of guilt set in.  Guilt was one emotion I was not prepared for.  But finally they were able to get her pain under control and it was time to move all of us to our room.  (Now I really hope Amber doesn't mind me sharing all this information but I want to always remember everything about this day and I want Jordan to be able to learn all about her Birthday)  But as they wheeled her around the curtain, Amber was totally sitting up Indian style.  The nurses just laughed and said they had never wheeled a patient out of the recovery room from a c-section sitting Indian style.  But I loved the look on Amber's face when they wheeled her past and she saw her baby for the first time.  There was pure love in her eyes.  Once she was situated in her room we all went in and Tammie called up the family.  It was so great to have so much of her family there.  I was so grateful that they were all able to meet Jordan.  Amber was the first to hold  her and I loved every minute of watching them together.  Then Logan got to love on her and then everyone else got to hold.  Jordan's birth family loves her so much and I just loved the time they got to spend  with her. Finally it was Brandon's turn.  Now for anyone who doesn't know, Brandon does not hold newborn babies.  He always says he was waiting until it was his and finally it was his.  He held her just like a pro.  It was so great to see him with our baby.  And then I got to her hold her.  It was amazing she was so tiny and cute and I was just in awe over her. Amber was so sweet and just kept telling us congratulations and how happy she was for us. It was so sweet.  Amber let me feed her her first bottle and she did great! She took right to it.  Well as the night went on they just did all the normal newborn baby stuff.  Bathed her, check her sugar, did a hearing test and she did great with all of them.  We were lucky enough to have a double room so we were able to share it with Amber.  We had the baby on our side so we could take care of her and so Amber could get some rest.  Some of the nurses were very confused with the whole situation but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.  Amber was able to spend lots of time with her at the hospital and she even took her for a few hours while me and Brandon got some shut eye.  I felt bad at first but then I figured she probably wanted to spend as much time with her as possible so I shouldn't feel bad.  Amber was so strong in the hospital it was amazing. By the 2nd day she was totally off her meds and ready to go home.  I pray everyday that our sweet baby inherits her mothers amazing strength.
    The first 2 nights in the hospital were a little rough for me.  Not many people may admit this but I want to be honest.   Don't get me wrong, I was totally in love with this baby but I think a part of me was holding back a bit.  Amber never gave me a reason to think that this wouldn't all work out but I was still a little reserved.  Also, Brandon was able to fill the roll of Daddy really easy because he was the only daddy there but I had a harder time filling the role of Mommy because I wasn't the only mommy there.  Amber, the women who just suffered so much to bring this baby into the world was right there on the other side of the curtain.  So I was kind of just a 2nd mommy.  Which is ridiculous because no one made me feel that way except me.  I also was so sick to my stomach the 2 days we were there so I was constantly having Brandon take care of the baby and I did feel bad about it.   But we made it through.

 Friday finally came and it was the day we would all go home.  I was a little nervous for this day cause I wasn't sure how it was all going to go down.  But it ended up being a great day.  We got all packed up and waited for the caseworker to come so we could all sign some papers.  We got them all signed and it was time to leave.  We were happy to all be discharged at the same time.  So me, Brandon, the baby, Amber, Logan, Tammie, Autum and Paige all walked down to the lobby.  Tammie went to get her car and Brandon went to get ours.  We all hugged and said our goodbye and a million thanks and congratulations and it was time to leave.  Tammie got her car up first and Amber and everyone got in the car and left.  I was standing there with the nurse and the baby waiting for Brandon to get the car up there and I totally broke down as I watched Amber pull away.  The gratitude I had for her at the moment was overwhelming.  But again the guilt set in as I watched Amber leave the hospital with ME holding HER baby.  My heart just hurt for her and I will never be able to imagine what she was feeling at that time.  Although I was so incredibly grateful for this miracle sleeping in the car seat my heart was still just so heavy and full of sorrow for Amber.  I think I pretty much cried the whole way back to our hotel.  But it was pretty funny how careful Brandon drove the whole way home.  It was so nerve racking driving with this brand new baby.

   Once back to our hotel we were all alone with this new miracle.  I again cried because I was afraid she knew that we just took her away from her mother and I was afraid she was going to hate me for that but Brandon reassured me that she will always love us and Amber for the miracle that took place that day.  (Silly emotions tend to get the best of me :/)  But then life as parents set in and it was incredible!!  I was scared to be all alone with her for the 1st couple weeks of her life because most people have their mom or another family member there to help out but it was actually really nice just to have this family time with her.  After a couple days we did finally decide on a name and we named her Jordan Dawn.  Jordan is a name I have had picked out forever and of course Brandon did not have any opposition to it. ;) and Dawn is Amber's middle name and we wanted her to always have a piece of Amber with her.  (Also, the nurse we had in the hospital who was amazing was named Dawn)  We were excited to finally announce her name.

 We stayed in Michigan for 2 weeks after she was born to wait for court dates and what not.  As much as I wanted to get out of the hotel it was so great to be so close to Amber and her family and be able to visit them whenever we wanted.  Those are times that we will never forget.
    Life has been amazing since we have been home and Jordan is just the greatest baby ever!!!!  She is now 2 months and growing like crazy.  She is the greatest blessing we have ever received and we love her more then word can ever describe.  She is the greatest addition to our family and we are so grateful to Amber and her entire family for loving us and Jordan enough to sacrifice so much to give us the world.
                                                                       1 Month
                                                                          2 Months

The link below is the amazing video that Amber made for Jordan.  It is a tear jerker but has so many more wonderful pictures in it.